February 15, 2015

Believe me, when I finally take the last step out from UMK, I will not look back, not even a swift glance.

I will not think of how I will miss "those days".
"Those faces".
"Those memories".

Because of everything that had happened to me these past few years, has made me very bitter towards my own life. I don't deserve a good life. I don't deserve a true friend. I don't deserve a good grade. And definitely don't deserve to be a good vet.

A mere semester away from being separated from my SO. The only human who cares about me truthfully, the only human who has been there for me all these while. A few more months. and I will be left hanging to tend to myself without any other friend who gives a shit about me.

Oh believe me, if anything happen to me, nobody; I repeat, NOBODY will even notice it.

I'm sorry other-people-who-know-me-but-do-not-consider-themselves-as-my-friends. I'm sorry I don't have a car to bring you around. I'm sorry I don't have money to buy you presents just because. I'm sorry I'm no fun to be around. I'm sorry I can't crack jokes. I'm sorry I can't give meaningful advice. I'm sorry I'm no religious. I'm sorry I'm not a high-achiever. I'm sorry I'm not capable of helping you. I'm sorry for being such a loser..

But this loser had to endure this miserable life through 5 difficult years. With her family and her home so far away. Without someone to call "bestfriend". Yes, this loser is very very grateful for having her SO. But he's not in the same surrounding as me. I can't complain about a difficult test question with him. I can't.. nah. Can't really describe it to you eh.? You don't even care.

You have beautiful memories about your university life. You get sad every time you think about leaving this place, leaving all these wonderful people you call "besties".

I'm jealous of you. Because I can't stop thinking about leaving here for good. And just forget about everything, because nothing matters anymore. Heck, I even think about giving up every now and then. The only thing that stopped me is the fear of regret, because I don't want to disappoint myself.

So please. The next time you wanna make fun of me, laugh at my mistakes, talk badly about me, or even stabbing my back; just please, think about what I've been through. Because if somebody else who don't have any faith were to be in my shoes, they would've committed suicide. Be glad that I have my faith. But that doesn't mean I deserve to be treated the way I am now..

April 10, 2013

.destroying the spider web.



It's been a long time.


I can't believe that my last post was posted right before I came here. But here I am, in my 4th sem of 2nd year in Vet undergrad course.

Of course, a lot had happened during these past years.
I am not single anymore, for instance.
And I have lost myself.
Empty. My life is turning upside down.
People hate me.

Sometimes, I just wonder why..

I know. Foul mouth, bad attitude. I do admit it, that I have such lousy personalities.

Tapi ramai juga yang sarkastik. Yang outspoken. Yang mulut longkang. Orang masih sayang.
Sebab mereka kaya, kah.?
Sebab mereka pandai, kah.?

But atleast when I have something against you, I spit it out to your face. If I am wrong, I will admit it. If you are wrong, then you're automatically forgiven when I forget about it. I don't go behind your back. Stabbing you.You have no idea what others are talking behind your back. If you had known, you'll feel like killing yourself. You have no idea how those people you thought are nice, are actually only pretending in front of you. I know, because I hang out with these people. And I know, they are pretending to be my friends. And yes I know, they also talk about me whenever they think I'm not within earshot. But shit happens to me since forever, so I'm already used to that. But that doesn't mean I don't have feelings..

Nvm. I don't deserve a life anyway, right.?


Gagak oh gagak.

Tak tahu kenapa. Banyak pulak belakangan ini. Kalau ada MBSA di sini, dah lama kena tembak.

Serious mode.

I know. You meant no harm by doing it. You were just playing around, trying to lighten up the atmosphere. I admit it, sometimes it does sounds funny. I even laughed. But not everytime. At times, you do it at inappropriate timing. You have to know that.

It's not funny, really, when you do it all the time. Especially during classes. It's getting quite annoying to the rest of us.

Oh. You have no idea.
Just stop. Please.

August 06, 2011

.we're still family?.

My beloved relatives datang Shah Alam, but didn't pay me a visit~ 
Never mind that will youu.? 
Maybe we'll meet again, five years akan datang. 
Or maybe not. 
Don't worry, I won't bother you guys. 
I'm just nobody C':

July 17, 2011

.my future.

What more can I say.?
I'm happy now that I finally got my dream course.
But at the same time I feel devastated.
Because I'm gonna miss my home.
My family.
My purring babies.
And of course, I'm gonna miss this town.
Dang.! Five years mehh.
Mesti nanti homesick like gila punya lorh.